How Much Time

how-much-time-is-leftIt took some time for my eyes to focus when I opened them. I had been hearing them speak but didn’t have the courage, yet, to look around. My body was numb and cold; so much the better. Once the pain starts kicking in, you can’t even breathe and knowing the hollowness so physically is excruciating. With each donation I push myself closer to a sad death; in the end it all balances out. A life for a life. My kidney or limbs or eyes or even the heart goes out to anyone who needs them. We die, but we die happy. We die with this overwhelming sense of contentment that we live on somehow in other people, bringing them health and happiness and joy. We die serving a society who may never acknowledge our service to it until it’s too late to come and drop in a note of gratitude. That doesn’t bother us because we work for the greater good. We are found young and helpless from dingy allies and dirty corners, left by people who obviously found nothing good in us and then we spend a whole lifetime correcting their wrong decision. It comes with price, but then, what doesn’t?

I heard the doctors speak while my eyes were closed and ears listened. The man told the woman how one of “these people” couldn’t make it, how he just stopped breathing. There was too much blood and he couldn’t do anything. I heard the woman gasp and say it was meant to be. A tear flows down my eye as I hear them take his name. That name once brought light to my eyes and caused my heart to skip a beat in its fluttery state of infatuation. We couldn’t afford love because we were young and we wanted to live while we could. Who knew how much time we had? Why cause yourself more trouble by holding hands and making promises like we could swear each other forever? Back then it was fun, just plain fun and hiding from the reality of it was only wise. In the end, they can’t save us. Sometimes they don’t save us. They know one way or the other we will end up this way; donating organs for the greater good of humanity till we lost something vital to our life, discarded as useless sometimes.

It’s a chance we take each time, a chance for life each time.


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