I think I’m nearly there. It’s close to morning and I’ve been driving the whole night. I’m tired and my body aches in the strangest of places, I think I’ve a major cramp in the leg. When I make a stop, it’ll take some time for the leg to be itself again. I feel like such a mess, I haven’t washed my hair in three days and it’s gross. I’m smiling ‘cause he was a freak about cleanliness. If he sees me like this, may be he’ll just usher me to go and get a bath before I come any close to him. Or may be, I pause, he won’t. I’ll be seeing him after days and I know he won’t be able to resist me. I smile at the thought in a satisfactory sort of way. God I love him so much! He’s just what I’ve always wanted; the kinda guy who’d do anything to be with me. The very thought of him gives me goose bumps. I am happily in love, people. I run my finger in my unwashed hair, yukh, I think to myself and almost laugh. I drive on into darkness.
It’s been some time now and I’m still driving. I’m tired of blinking into the window, feeling glad I see a tiny ray of light after hours. Must be close to dawn now. I have to confess the darkness was beginning to make me feel hollow. I’m nearly there. To where? I don’t know. The last sane thing I did in many months was to pack up my bags and start driving. I saw it the mirror, I saw it in my face; the emptiness, the longing, the constant waiting for something I never knew myself. I wasn’t half the person I used to be and that scared me. The person staring back at me was a stranger with dark rings around her eyes and cheeks almost tucked in. So I just packed my bags and left, just like that and in the process, I discovered something new about myself. I discovered my physical limits; I didn’t need that big house (that was anything but a home) or those unlimited things they called valuables and stuff. What I needed at all was neatly packed in that tattered, dusty luggage that now lay in the back seat of my old Porsche. I was looking for a place called home, something that seemed so distant. So I decided to drive up to it. Where? Like I said, I didn’t know.
The sun is coming up strong now and I think I am nearly there. Don’t know at all where I’d actually hit the brakes, but I know it’s gonna be some place so damn welcoming I’d never have felt like that in months! Don’t know who but somebody would come up the door with open arms, a big smile and a kitchen apron around her waist. A hot, yummy breakfast waiting for me at the kitchen table, a familiar voice asking, tea or coffee dear? I’d throw my luggage in the hall and look at the entire wonder of this place, this heart-found home in a big awe. I’ll pull off my worn out shoes and walk barefoot on the wooden floor, cool under my feet; and after all this time, it will feel just right to walk like that.
I am smiling at this thought. Yea, it’s like a big surprise waiting for me. I am nearly home, people!